A woman had a big old German Shepherd that snored so loudly she could never
hear her soap operas in the afternoon. Over coffee one morning she happened to
mention the problem to her neighbor, who leaned over and whispered
confidentially that she had just the solution. "The next time it happens, tie
a ribbon around his balls and he'll stop," said the neighbor. "He won't even
wake up."
That afternoon, during the first few minutes of As the World Turns, the dog
came in and flopped down in front of the TV. Within three minutes he had
flopped onto his back and begun snoring deeply, so the woman ran to her sewing
room and grabbed a red ribbon. Sure enough, the neighbor was right: when the
ribbon was tied around his nuts, the dog stopped snoring, and never even woke
up.
That very night was her husband's bowling night, and he came home very late
and very drunk. He fell into bed, rolled onto his back, and began to snore loudly,
and as his wife lay there sleepless she thought again about her neighbor's
suggestion. Fetching a blue ribbon from her sewing box, she tied it around her
husband's balls. He fell silent and never stirred.
Later on that night the husband woke up to take a leak. Still pretty drunk, he
staggered down the hall, let the dog out, and went to pee. Looking down at his
cock, he noticed the blue ribbon, and when he let the dog back in, he noticed
the red one. "Woofer," he said blurrily, "I don't know where we've been....but
at least we came in first and second."
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